They say death and taxes are life鈥檚 only certainties. But any Venezuelan knows there鈥檚 a third inevitability: after el bonche comes el 谤补迟贸苍.
Bonche (pronounced BONE-chay) is slang for a party. 搁补迟贸苍 (literally, 鈥渕ouse鈥� in Spanish) is Venezuelan argot for a hangover. Right now, South Florida鈥檚 Venezuelan expats are politically enratonados 鈥� especially after Venezuela鈥檚 socialist dictatorship tightened its grip on power on Sunday by sweeping rigged parliamentary elections.
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But chamo, what a bonche it was! For two years, Doralzuela (the nickname for Doral, if you just arrived in Miami-Dade County) was a prime presidential destination 鈥� and not just because President Trump has a golf resort there. He dropped in so regularly to schmooze 鈥渕y Venezuelans鈥� you鈥檇 have thought he鈥檇 given up McDonald鈥檚 cheeseburgers and fries for arepas and teque帽os.
Since winning Florida鈥檚 Latino votes was a domestic policy priority for Trump, freeing Venezuela from President Nicol谩s Maduro鈥檚 disastrous regime 鈥� and thereby crippling its dependent ally, communist Cuba 鈥� became a top foreign policy crusade.
And kudos to him: I applaud any U.S. president whose attention span on Latin America lasts longer than the average left-turn signal.
READ MORE: Trump's Expat Followers Were Right! The U.S. Looks Like Socialist Venezuela Now!
Because Trump recognized 鈥� rightly 鈥� opposition leader Juan Guaid贸 as Venezuela鈥檚 constitutionally legitimate president, Venezuela鈥檚 catastrophic humanitarian crisis and the brutal collapse of its democracy got a greater global spotlight. So I can鈥檛 really blame Florida鈥檚 Venezuelan voters 鈥� as many as two-thirds of whom supported Trump, according to polls 鈥� for dancing with the guy who made them feel as important as the state鈥檚 Cuban voters always feel. Joe Biden barely seemed to cross the salsa floor in comparison.
But like any good bonche, this one lost sobriety. Too many MAGAzuelans, as Venezuelan Trumpers are known, became inebriated with the delusion that the Guaid贸 gambit alone was enough to topple Maduro. That it would make Venezuela鈥檚 military honchos locate their consciences 鈥� as if the same colonels and generals under indictment in the U.S. for allegedly running a multi-billion-dollar drug cartel have consciences to locate 鈥� and nobly abandon Maduro for the restoration of democracy.
Like any good Venezuelan bonche, the MAGAzuelan revelry lost sobriety 鈥� and Maduro's rigged election victory on Sunday was the 谤补迟贸苍 (the hangover) to reckon with.
And if that brass wouldn鈥檛 cooperate, much of Doralzuela actually believed Trump would fix it all by invading Venezuela. That fantasy became so entrenched in Doral you could hear people greeting each other not with 鈥淕ood morning鈥� but with 鈥淎ll options are on the table.鈥�
Just as remarkable as what the MAGAzuelans believed is what they wouldn鈥檛 believe. Namely, that the guy they were dancing with had two left foreign policy feet 鈥� and was, ultimately, just using them to get those 29 Florida electoral votes.
COLD WAR COWBOYS
Trump and his team squandered the international support their Guaid贸 stratagem won early on, when almost 60 other countries also decided Maduro was an illegitimate president. They acted like Cold War cowboys instead of doing the diplomatic legwork that might have nudged Venezuela鈥檚 military. Worse, when Trump himself realized the Maduro regime wouldn鈥檛 fall before Election Day, he lost interest in the campaign 鈥� except, of course, the part about securing Venezuelan, Cuban and other critical Latino votes in Florida.
But the ugliest bonche behavior was the way so many MAGAzuelans falsely demonized Biden, Democrats, Black Lives Matter 鈥� and anyone else not hollering in their Trump tent 鈥� as 鈥�socialistas鈥� in diabolical league with Maduro. That鈥檚 the part you hope will cause the sharpest 谤补迟贸苍 head-pounding in the weeks and months to come, if and when the anti-socialista revelers locate their own consciences.
For the moment, Biden鈥檚 aboveboard victory over Trump last month, and Maduro鈥檚 underhanded victory over Guaid贸 last weekend, are 谤补迟贸苍 enough. They should be ample convincers that the bonche is over, that Maduro is in power for the long haul 鈥� and that Venezuela鈥檚 expats are at a crossroads now.
They can take the path of so many Latin American exiles before them and keep lashing out at anyone who doesn鈥檛 genuflect to their demand for instant, forceful regime change back home 鈥� thereby alienating folks domestic and foreign from their just cause. Or they can drink a few jugos de patilla (watermelon juice 鈥� the best 谤补迟贸苍 remedy I discovered while living in Venezuela) and work with Biden to do the diplomatic due diligence that鈥檚 required now.
That is, so that the next bonche will be the one celebrating Maduro鈥檚 exit.
